Church Bulletins!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled

Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’The sermon

tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious

pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help

they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So

ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will

follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several

new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person

you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

gracious hostility.

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from

the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend

him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the

back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

use large double door at the side entrance.

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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last

Sunday:

‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’